Dear Jim:
Sally left me alone for one week while she went to LA to visit the kids and I’m under so much stress I haven’t been able to think of anything.
As you know, many, many years ago I cleverly told Sally that since I would be the first to bite the dust it was important that she know how to run the house. To help her training program I refused to do anything related to the house and now I happily know nothing about how any piece of the operation works. As her plane lifted off for LA every mechanical and electrical device in the house stopped working.
Talk about a scene from Abbot and Costello. I did find some phone numbers for plumbers and electricians and now I’m stressed out waiting to give them directions because I can’t find any of the boxes that are supposedly controlling this stuff. Seems that there is no piece of equipment that has a warranty left and there are no pieces in stock to fix anything. I hope to have the major items fixed by her return on Wednesday. Heat and water are my two top priorities.
It hasn’t all been bad.
Living alone has allowed me to come up with a lot of productivity improvements.
Why would you make your bed every morning if you are just going to get back in to it that evening?
No need to open the blinds. No one there to see anything during the day.
Putting away shaving gear and toothpaste makes no sense if you are just going to have to pull it all out of the drawers the next day.
Why close cupboards when you can see what is in every one of them by leaving the doors open?
It's true that a towel on the floor doesn't dry as fast as a towel hung up...but..if you have a lot of towels....
Putting away the peanut butter is a complete waste of time.
I could go on but I’m sure you get the picture.
Granted the house isn’t as pretty but it sure is functional and I can hardly wait to show Sally how much time and effort I’ve been able to save. She will certainly be proud of me.
One chore that I was left with has resulted in some property damage but nothing that can’t be fixed in a few weeks
I was told to water the plants on Saturday..just a little bit, whatever that means.
I wasn’t aware that we had any plants in the house but on further inspection and much to my surprise I discovered that we have a virtual forest growing in most of the rooms. So on Sunday morning I set about watering with a giant pail.
How much water do you think you need to put in a plant?
This is a task for morons and should be simple..right?. Not so!
A lot of the pots didn’t hold as much water as I thought the plant needed. And the leaves get in the way of pouring the water causing a lot of splashing outside the pot.
The hardwood floors are starting to pucker up from the water damage. I tried to mop up the excess water with the dishtowels but they don’t absorb nearly enough water. Who knew this was a job requiring skill?
And why wasn’t I warned that some of the plants were fake. Their little pots don’t take much water at all. From what I can see we should only have fake plants because I sure couldn’t tell the difference. No instructions…poor communications. We could have paid someone $300 or so to come in and it would have been a bargain. Sally’s fault! I’m going to really let her have it when she gets back. (Two of the larger trees are losing their leaves and I’m wondering if I should just throw them out…do you think a wife would notice?)
And to top it all off I haven’t seen the cat for three days. This could be a problem. Sally really likes that cat. I’m thinking of posting a picture on the telephone pole at the end of the driveway to show I care.
It is clear to me now that if Sally goes before me I will have 48-72 hours to list and sell the house. After that it will probably have to be torn down.
She is home Wednesday and if I survive the interrogation I will be available Saturday to begin the season. I will keep you posted.
Bill Meder
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