Dear Jim:
The Grandkids have just left and although it was advertised as a quick visit of only 6 days I could pass a lie detector exam claiming it was at least a month.
Now I know that some people think it is terrible to be critical of those little sweeties called Grandchildren especially when they are yours. These people (mostly women I’m afraid) are just plain crazy. There is no other explanation for the oooing and ahahing that goes on during these encounters. This is brutal work for any normal person. At one point, when the door bell rang I was hoping it was a Home Invasion where the guy would shoot me when I opened the door. I’m experienced at this however and I decided this year to have a plan.
My first brilliant idea was to go tobogganing on a real hill near the house. I can summarize the experience by saying I lost my tobogganing license and have been declared a dangerous offender by my entire family. I shoved my 7 year old in a flying saucer (and I emphasize flying) down a bumpy part of the hill and she flew out of the sled halfway down and landed on her face. Now I think that’s part of the fun. Bleeding nose, scrape on a cheek…what the heck...no one was killed. What’s the big deal? As the sobbing continued I was instructed to send the 4 year old down from the half way point. No way, says I and from the top, lets’ go. I forgot to tell him to hold on and he and the saucer parted company at about 20 MPH over a rather large bump (think jump). He scraped his side pretty good and got snow up his clothes and in all kinds of uncomfortable places. So with two sobbing kids, screaming that Grandpa pushed them, we headed back to the car and home. Wife and daughter didn’t talk to me for two days which was a kind of bonus but I had planned to do this every day of the visit so you can imagine my disappointment.
Skating wasn’t much better. After buying all the equipment I then found out that the 4 year old can’t stand up on skates. This seemed like information that could have been provided in advance.
I made arrangements to get the 7 year old and me a special spot for the Cirque du Soleil show at the Bell Center. We had to dodge the sweat coming from the trapeze artists, we were so close. After the first Act, Georgia informed me that she had a friend at school who could do that! After 20 minutes she told me she wanted to go home and get something to eat. Since she was holding $50 of popcorn, Doritos, jube jubes, chocolate bars and a 60 ounce soft drink I found myself confused. I held on for two more acts and then she insisted on leaving. At least getting out of the parking lot was easy as there was no one else in the entire garage when we left. No one mentioned this outing for the entire visit although I had planned it to be the highlight of the visit.
The kids are fascinated by the cat which doesn’t share the same interest and can’t keep their hands off of it. The cat was last seen climbing the large indoor tree and hiding under the leaves. Now that the kids are gone the expression “Nervous as a Cat” takes on new meaning as the slightest noise produces a look of fear that could be sold to Disney if I could hold her down long enough to capture it. We may have to replace the Cat!
As my 4 year old watched Scooby Doo he reached over to place a 10 ounce glass of milk on the coffee table without taking his eyes off the TV. He missed the table by six inches and you would be amazed at how much area can be covered by one small glass of milk. He got some on his robe which he whipped off without taking his eyes off the TV and handed it to me and told me to put it in the laundry. Who made the rule that you aren’t allowed to hit kids? My parents would have done 4 rounds with me, bare knuckled, for this. I wasn’t allowed to say anything because I would have interrupted the movie!
As you know we just installed a new kitchen. I was a little nervous by all the activity and toy throwing in the general area. I’m pleased to report that riding a bicycle at high speed in to the island only caused minimal damage and if the painter can match the original colors we will hardly notice. Why was someone riding a bike in the house you ask? Well, he is only 4 years old…what do you expect?
This week (and I’m not making this up) we have a plumber, carpenter, painter and handyman coming in to make temporary repairs. The cleaning lady arrived this morning and announced that she would have to cancel her other clients for the rest of the week.
Time to take them to the airport and I can tell you I had them there 4 hours before flight time. There was no way they were going to miss that flight.
Oh, and I shouldn’t forget to say…I really missed them this morning!
Bill Meder
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