Letters to Jim: Some safety tips

Dear Jim:

It has been a very interesting winter. My experiences can by expressed with some Safety Tips that I wanted to share with you.

I recently found myself away from home over the weekend on a business trip and was bored. I want to confirm that having your hair cut by a Korean barber watching a football game on the screen in front of you while he cuts your hair with a razor is a very bad idea. It seems that growing out this cut takes many weeks although the bleeding ear seems to heal more quickly.

Asking the security officer to hurry up because you are late for your flight does not produce the results that you would logically expect. This safety tip comes with the added advice that use of the F word (one of my favorites as you know) is not recognized as a motivational expression.

If you forget to get your wife a Valentines Day present an attempt to reuse last years card doesn’t work as well as you might think! I had to deal with a reaction that any man would consider waaaay too dramatic and could in fact result in bodily injury. Who has time to think about Valentines Day anyway?

Don’t say that you can’t see what the big deal is with Tiger Woods when you are in mixed company. All the men know what you mean…none of the women do. Fending off a large number of ladies, foaming at the mouth, is not pretty.

I have an executive who works 14 hours a day complaining that his wife needs more attention. I offered to spend some time with her. Apparently that wasn’t as helpful as you would naturally think it would be.

And finally Jim, when you called me from London yesterday complaining that Air Canada had lost your luggage I thought I gave you a brilliant suggestion. Getting a hooker and staying in your room for 24 hours where you wouldn’t need any clothes was inspired. When the connection was broken I didn’t know if you had hung up on me or forgot to say goodbye in your haste to implement my plan. Let me know…

Bill Meder