Letters to Jim: Golf at its best

Dear Jim:

I have had many requests for an update on my golf status since my Katrina like experience of last year.  And, no, it didn’t come back. I finished the season hacking and chopping my way around the Black course with a bag over my head, usually playing alone in the late evening. 2007 however is a new game.

January approached with the prospect of golf in Barbados and Florida looming ahead. Jeff was teaching at the Dome in Beaconsfield and with the same effort needed to book a hip replacement I was able to get him committed to fixing me up. A six iron is perfect for the  Dome and for ten weeks, several times a week, Jeff and I and the trusty precision camera, worked, hitting thousands of six irons. I would share the final videos with you but they have been forwarded to Augustine, Florida to the Golf Hall of Fame exhibit where Jeff will be receiving a lifetime achievement award later this fall.

 Perfect doesn’t describe it. From any angle and any criteria these were the finest six irons you could imagine. Here I come ready or not!

I lost 46 balls in Barbados in three games. It seems the six iron is not required on many holes on the Royal Westmoreland Course and my new, new swing doesn’t apply to any other clubs I currently own. We won’t be going back to Barbados for a long long time I’m sad to say as my picture has been posted in the pro shop with  “call 911 if spotted” instructions.

 Armed with my new swing for all clubs other than the six and my new, new swing for my six iron and my old swing that keeps visiting for old times sake I headed off to Florida. It’s not that I don’t like playing in Florida it’s just that we have run out of friends who can/will take us their club. Playing the public links is not that great and after three rounds I shipped my clubs home by Fed Ex in a plain brown wrapping, not wanting to be seen with them during the trip home.

Back to RMCG. After a painful session with most of the staff it was pointed out to me that the Clubs I bought two years ago are clearly intended for “range use only. ”Says so right there in the fine print. Ah Ha says I. New equipment!

This Thursday I hit balls with my driver and every driver in inventory at the club under the watchful eye of Jeff and Paul using the new radar equipped, GPS empowered, super duper measuring device that tells you everything that is happening to your ball. A complete statistical analysis is provided every 5 minutes so you can compute the square root of the clubface and other useful information in real time.  I hit for two hours. Now I don’t know if you have any idea how many drives you can hit in two hours but the last few were hit on my knees with the club firmly clenched between my teeth. I’m still having trouble making a fist two days later.

We picked one that is way better than my old one. I can get an extra 7 yards with the new one if I hit it right on the sweet spot. Cost $ 500. With 20 games this year that’s an extra 140 yards or $ 3.50 per yard. Sounds like it fits my investment criteria so lets go.

Saturday morning, new weapon in hand, one drive out of 14. I’m told, between snickers, to be patient so after they refinish the driver I’m going back at it.

Now to do every club in my bag this is going to take another 28 hours of hitting balls with the machine. I should be totally equipped some time in late August. I will give you the final results which I’m sure will be spectacular. ( Jeff will not be available for lessons in August since he has booked a one month Mediterranean cruise on a private yacht so I have to be finished by then.)

P. S. Recently, I have seen several people at the club with what looks like my new new swing. I discovered that like the decorator who sells the same chandelier to all his clients, Jeff is bootlegging my swing to new customers. I want you to know that I consider this swing Intellectual Property and there could be copy write issues. Consider yourselves warned.

Bill Meder