An Update



Dear Jim:

How am I you ask? Is this a trick question?

As you no doubt know or are one of the few people on the planet that Sally hasn’t blabbed  too I am dealing with a slight imperfection in my previously perfect body parts inventory. It seems my parents didn’t take out the extended warranty when they had the chance and here I am past my “best before date” with no safety net.

And get this. My problem is caused by smoking which I quit doing 56 years ago!!

Not possible you say. They promised that if I stopped, I would live a long and healthy life.

 They lied!

And to think I bought that BS and gave up  really fun stuff . Like  drinking, French fries and then exercising like a fiend. What a betrayal.

Correcting this imperfection involves extreme torture techniques that ISIS could have used to control the Caliphate if they had known.  

Chemo and Radiation are common terms and like you, when I encountered someone doing them, I would always say. “don’t worry, it is going to be OK, stay strong, chin up, you can do, it rah rah rah. And what else is new?

In the Medical community I am a known coward, anxiety driven, weak, and generally a snivelling baby when anything happens to me. 

I use Dr. Google to inform me of the worst possible outcomes and spend my time worrying about my Eulogy and who is going to remember to cancel the Economist subscription for a refund.

And for additional nail biting, it turns out the Chemo is meant to kill your immune system..great timing..they told me if I get Covid don't come to the hospital. Go straight to the Crematorium and take a number. 

With Covid stay at home rules I have put on a few pounds and my big worry is that the marks the radiologist put on my body to line up the machine have shifted a couple of inches. Now when they line up the machine, I know they are zapping things that shouldn’t be zapped. I explained this to them last week and reminded them that some of my favourite parts are in the range and if they cause anything to fall off, I’m suing. They thought I was kidding but I’m keeping a close watch on side effects. I have 6 more sessions out of 20 planned, ending Tuesday May 19.

My last Chemo is tomorrow, and the nurse reminded me last week while I was cringing and complaining about headaches, nausea, etc. etc. that my dosage was one twentieth of the 86-year-old lady sitting across from me loading in bag after bag of poison.

 Why do women never complain? In fact, I have never heard anyone complain about these treatments and I can’t stop. Go figure!

They will be glad to see me gone.

So, what is the prognosis you ask. Well the Doctor said we would know if it worked within a couple of months and if it didn’t…… I replied that I hoped the gun stores would be open by then.

I have three Doctors on the case, and I think they may have had enough of me. They just don’t get my sense of humour when I say I’m coming after them if this doesn’t produce results.

At any rate I will keep you posted. If you don’t hear from me, ask around.

Bill Meder