Dear Jim: all done…lessons learned
HI thought I would share some safety tips from my experience over the past 4 weeks.
Every day when you arrive at the hospital you are interviewed at the front door for Covid symptoms
“Do you have a fever, headache, sore throat, cough, runny nose, muscle ache, diarrhea, shortness of breath and sneezing?”
The correct answer is “Nope, I’m perfect!!”
” Well OK then, come on in!
The REAL answer is “Of course, you Moron, I have all of those symptoms, caused by the so-called medical treatment plan I’m following. And, by the way they, are getting worse everyday.
Don’t say that or you will spend the day being studied …so Safety tip number one is to lie at all times.
And of course, do not cough or sneeze walking down the hall. They have monitors ( I think some of them may be armed) looking for any sign of a Covid symptom.) You don’t want to get anyone pushing you in to the suspect queue.
You need to study Hospital gowns before you start and learn how to tie a bow with the ties in the back flaps.
Turns out that a bare- naked view of an old persons’ rear- end walking down the hall is not nearly as sexy as you might like to think. I find the young female technicians particularly critical.
You will need to build up your glute's before you start. The ability to clench your butt cheeks in milliseconds is a vital and really necessary skill .
This will protect your sneeze and cough control and if someone makes a sudden move around you.
If you don’t develop this skill you may get a graphic demonstration of where the term “Shit Storm” came from. Just saying....
And by the way speaking of the D word (Diarrhea) don’t ever, ever, EVER take a sleeping pill when you are in this condition.
They tell you not to lose weight. Eat 6 small meals a day. I missed the "small" part and I'm up 5 lbs. So read the instructions carefully.
Finally, you should expect to behave strangely for no reason.
Example: Stepping into the shower with your slippers on, or dropping off a treat at your best friend of 25 years house and then leaving it at the neighbour’s front door by mistake. I could go on but you get the idea.
No explanation for this. Just happens
.
But now I wait 2-4 months to see what the result is. The doctors at the MUHC are great and the experience has been extremely well organized and executed. If I wasn't such a baby I would be telling you not to worry if this should happen to you.
So, come around September-October start checking the obits in case I’m not able to communicate with you.
No don't worry, I have a very positive attitude and am doing my homework. Example FYI the guard rails on the new Champlain Bridge are very very high.
Will try to keep you posted if I survive the recovery over the next 2- 3 weeks.
Then, everyone is telling me, Yippie,you will be able to play golf.!! Oh boy what a reward. Just shoot me now!
Regards
Bill Meder
Regards,
Bill
Bill
(514) 992-2916
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