Letters to Jim: A Mexican holiday

Dear Jim:

Well, as you have probably heard Sally and I decided (I was pushed) to go to Mexico to try an all-inclusive week on the Mayan Riviera. I went with very low expectations and was I ever surprised.

First of all, as you know we haven’t stayed in a hotel in the Caribbean for 20 years, either renting a villa or mooching off friends. Seems that during that time the resorts decided to upscale their offerings such that what I once considered luxurious is now the standard for poor people. The places I thought were great from my past are now $1500 per night but don’t worry, there are no vacancies till next year so Mexico becomes your default option anyway.

Although the resort was first class in every way the people at it were mainly bozo’s or like you, were from Antigonish in the Maritimes. Actually, that’s a little harsh. There were some smart people there. Out of the 960 guests there were two people we enjoyed talking to. Unfortunately they couldn’t speak English so our encounter was brief. Now I don’t like to make comments on physical appearance but strangely most of the people were huge way beyond any description that I could articulate.

When we checked in to the resort I asked what the capacity of the hotel was. The clerk said, on check-in the capacity was about 200,000 pounds and on check out about 220,000 pounds. All their calculations for staff and food service were based on this metric.

The beach was magnificent except when there were two or three people walking ahead of you and the sun was sometimes blocked out.

The bathing suits on the women were for picture taking but I didn’t have the courage to get close. I could outrun most of them but I remember when I was in Africa they told us that the hippopotamus was really, really fast for a short distance so I wasn’t taking chances.

I can just see the designer from “Omar the Tent Maker” (Bathing Suit Division) showing his latest collection. “Here we have a snappy number with a 60 inch waist and the fabric on the top section will allow for a pair of 42 D’s to rest comfortably on the second roll.” Fabulous, make 10,000 copies and send them to all the all-inclusive resorts in Mexico.

The men dressed much differently. Blue Jeans with a Harley Davidson T-Shirt and a pack of cigs rolled up in the arm were pretty common. The ones who really dressed up had collars on their shirts and some even tucked them in. I had no tattoo credentials so I didn’t fit in around the bar. Next year I’m going for one of those big snakes up my leg and over my shoulder just like the guys from Calgary were wearing.

Mexico, my new favorite place and by the way we didn’t get sick there at all. Sally has been in bed for two days with a raging fever and things flying out of her body in all directions since we got home but I’m fine. So for me Mexico is fabulous.

Bill Meder