Dear Jim: A new season arrives

Dear Jim:

Just finished the three day weekend and am back at golf and as fit as I can be.

Interesting that over the winter the Golf Course maintenance team somehow added 20 yards to most of the holes. No notice to the members and no evidence of how they did it but it is clear that the golf fiends have prevailed and made everything harder. Never mind, I   bought all new equipment designed to add at least 20 yards to every club.

During the test phase the new clubs were unbelievable. Foolishly, I paid for them as soon as the invoice arrived and just like that they became exactly the same as my old clubs only they looked nicer. This is proof positive that there is a higher power in the Universe screwing with you. There is no other explanation.

 I could move up to the red tees but the bullies at our club shout insults when they see you anywhere near them. Everyone I play with does the same thing. Driver, three wood, wedge, hope to sink the putt. I don’t know anyone who gets on the green in regulation but then again I don’t have many people willing to play with me anymore. At any rate I’m going to get a fake beard and glasses and try to move up and see if that works for me.

I used to break 90 every game and looked forward to breaking 80. I now jump from foot to foot when I break 100 and 90 is my new “best game this year” target. The good news is that I now know for certain that I will never go to Florida to play this game all year round so I have saved myself a lot of pain and money to boot.

I have been working out like crazy and my  fitness level is now so high I decided on Sunday to take out my bike that I haven’t been on for a couple of years. I have a route that you and I used to do in 55 minutes.  About an hour and a half in to the run I had begun to wonder if I was going to make it home.   My second thought was, would I make it home before dark? I also discovered that if you don’t turn the pedals fast enough you fall over! Other cyclists were passing me going so fast I thought there was a car race being held on my route. Humiliating. I was able to get the bike back in to my basement and my chiropractor says that I should be able to stand up straight by Friday.  Another activity bites the dust.

So there you have it, my skill set is declining. This phenomenon is supposed to creep up on you. I want more creeping and less drama. I’m running out of things I can do, never mind do well. And if that isn’t enough I’m told in fairly strong terms by people who are in the know that “it isn’t coming back”. Oh well I think I’m going to buy a red Ferrari and whistle at young women.

I will keep you posted,

Bill Meder