Letters to Jim: The end of Florida

Dear Jim:

You asked me when I am going back to Florida. The short answer is never.

The weather once again was cold, rainy and windy for our entire stay. Oh yes I do know that It didn’t rain for three months before we came and that after we left there were record highs recorded every day. This is the same story we have heard after every trip to Florida we have taken in the past 10 years. We may be slow to catch on but when I overheard our host calling his buddy, the President of our major airline, asking him to put Sally and me on the “no fly list” for the winter months I realized that no one even wants us there in the first place.

Lots to do, right? Well off to the movies we went just like we do here. A couple of differences. Standing in line with 6 elderly gentlemen we were asked 10 times what movie we were going to. When we go in to the theater one of them asked Sally three times to remind him what movie he had tickets for. When we were in the movie and it had started 10 men came in and shouted” sorry for the interruption, our bus was late” The guy behind me was shouting in to his cell phone “Harry, it’s me, can you hear me?” After the movie the same guy who didn’t know which movie he was seeing asked for directions to leave the theater. No, I’m not making any of this up.

So, with nothing to do, shopping becomes the pastime. In all my years of travelling we have never declared our purchases in excess of the exemption and here is a safety tip. Don’t do it.

Punching in to the Nexus machine that we had to pay duty resulted in two cards being printed with big dollar signs on them. When we got to the exit I proudly waved the cards and said we are here to pay duty. In to the hall we went where 100 immigrants were standing in line clutching their card board boxes and obnoxious little ankle biters as they waited for the 4 or 5 customs agents to go through their stuff. I pushed my way to the head of the line and demanded to know where the Nexus line was and declared that I’m already admitting I’m over the limit and want to pay my duty.

“There is no line for Nexus in here, it is every man for himself and get to the back of the line” Now I’m in line with all the pigs and chickens and there is a dog howling and barking like you have never heard before. I push to the head of the line again and ask the supervisor if there is a “whistle blowers program”. “Absolutely”, he said, rubbing his hands together.

I stated in hushed tones that I had clear evidence that someone was trying to smuggle a dog in to the country. Now, I thought that at least he would smile and say come on in but nooo. “Get to the back of the line” And so it went.

An hour later we were free.

So that’s it for Florida! Don’t ever mention it again.

Bill Meder