Another year down the drain

Dear Jim: Another year down the drain

You are wondering why I haven’t written for some time and the answer is very simple. Nothing has happened except I got older and can’t believe that I’m still alive at this age. Now here we are at the end of the season and I only have a few trivial observations. Oh, and did I mention that I did get a lot older.

We have 1600 members in the club. I used to know many of them. Now I can address about 14 by first name and last name. Another 15, I guess at their first name and usually get it right. Another 25 or so I would recognize at a Loblaw’s but I wouldn’t say hello.maybe a nod.  

That’s it. I describe Royal as a very small intimate club surrounded by a very large bunch of “ I have no idea who they are”.

Where did everyone come from? And they all seem so engaged and friendly. …buzzing around with big smiles on their face. Don’t they realize that playing golf doesn’t make you smile? They must be new.

I used to describe our Tournament participation and how well we were doing. At most of the club tournaments I not only didn’t recognize the winners I couldn’t pronounce many of the names.

 At any rate I think that in a couple of more years like this I will only know the three people I now regularly play golf with and it will be a good time to retire from the club completely.

At the beginning of the season, many of us bought four dozen Pro V golf balls with our names on them. If you are like me those 48 beauties are long gone. Some in the water to be sure but many in the woods. Also in my case, since no one watches my swing when I drive and either is flinching or have their eyes shut, my drive could be anywhere. I can’t see where it went because I’m busy trying to regain my balance. It could be in the fairway for all I know. So other golfers have picked up those balls over the past months.

Now here is the skill-testing question. How many of you have had someone put a ball with your name on it in your locker, having found it somewhere out on the course?

It has your name on it. Are they playing with it? Is this the conversation that is happening all over the courses?  “ Is that my ball or yours….It says Irving Azoff on both sides….ok , thanks that’s what I’m playing today.”

The answer is Zero. In other words of the 3,000 or so monogramed balls that went out in June, not one has been returned to the person named in big bold letters on the ball.  

Just FYI I once had a ball that I lost in Barbados dropped in my mailbox in Beaconsfield by someone who had found it and realized that returning it was the right thing to do.

I used to write you about the annual visit of my Grandchildren who came for a couple of weeks during prime time. I have successfully got that down to a 5 day visit (including arrival and departure days) and now I barely know they have been here.  So, Perfect!...nothing to report on that front.

Another favorite subject was couples golf. Well now I am down to 9 holes on Sunday with Sally. I try and arrange to play the Red course because hole number 7 finishes right beside the bag shop and usually I can convince her to call it a day. I finally gave up trying to play with another couple on Sundays when more than once I was told by the Spouse that they were embarrassed for me when we played together. Who needs it?

Our Club has a lot of activity. On most days you can barely find a parking spot due to some Corporate day or Charity event. Now, some members complain about this. Not me. This is a great excuse not to play without feeling guilty that you aren’t out there on a beautiful day.  Lets do more of this. And rain…we need more rain. I didn’t have one game cancelled because of rain during the entire summer.

I hit some good shots this year. I remember them all.  I did have one bad experience when I hit my 4 wood with such force that the shaft shattered and the head attached to a spear-like shaft with ragged edges flew over my head and almost killed my partner who was 20 feet behind me and off to the side. If he had been hit and bled out because an artery was severed this would have made a great bar story but no. a miss is as good as a mile so nothing  interesting to say about my only abnormal day. I did tell people that we couldn’t find the ball so I took a 5 which I needed to complete a good round and everyone was OK with that.

And finally, today I watched a member who is in his mid 80’s practicing his putting. He missed every second try from four feet. He confirmed to me that he has been practicing this technique for 60 years! What kind of madness is this? I’m smarter than that and I am going to let the game beat me, cry uncle and enjoy the remaining years. So no more golf stories.

That’s it and that’s all!

Bill Meder