A gift from Heaven

Dear Jim:

I’m reading the paper the other day and I see that the Liberals are releasing millions of dollars for Infrastructure projects. Seems our assets are deteriorating badly and once strong structures are crumbling

​ and require immediate repair​

.  I look across the breakfast table and I realize they are talking about us!

​Inspired, 

I decided then and there to begin a reconstruction project  of my own.

First up, Sally needs a new hip.  A five year plan with other features and functionality requiring serious work could wait. This was urgent.

The hip had been getting worse for several months and Sally wasn’t handling it all that well.

The moaning and groaning at night was making it hard for me to concentrate on the TV and the time she was taking to get in and out of the car was really starting to annoy me.

There was a safety issue as well. I almost ran her down three times when she didn’t clear the front of the car fast enough when I dropped her off. I was starting to think that if this continued, even though I would really miss her a lot, something bad was eventually going to happen.

We tried the Public Hospital system and with a strong push by very influential people I was able to get the promise of an initial meeting with a doctor sometime this  year. Waiting time was 12-18 months for the actual operation.

Here is where you have proof positive that there must be a higher power looking over me.

I have been under considerable stress wondering what to get Sally for our 50^thanniversary. She made it clear that she wanted something that she didn’t already have one of and it had to be unique.

Well le voila,  what beats a new hip?

And after getting her all set up at a private clinic  which took one week from initial meeting to operation, I discover that I can accessorize the new hip with a fabulous cane and a walker with white wall tires. That takes care of XMAS and Birthday as well. Who knew? All my problems solved at once.

The operation was a huge success and she comes home tomorrow morning after 5 days in the Clinic.

It is a good thing too because she has really got behind in her household responsibilities. It shouldn’t take her long to get caught up and to show I’m sensitive I have booked the cleaning lady for an extra hour on Wednesday.

I did a good job in her absence while she lay around enjoying the serenity of the Clinic.

The cat is still alive. Several of the flowers look like they might make it and while the refrigerator is absolutely empty she should be able to get stocked up with a few visits to Metro.

I couldn’t cook anything here because the dishwasher is full so that is her first order of the day  when I bring her home in the morning.

All in all, a great outcome for Sally and especially me! Life is good!

I will keep you posted on our next project.

Bill Meder

Another year down the drain

Dear Jim: Another year down the drain

You are wondering why I haven’t written for some time and the answer is very simple. Nothing has happened except I got older and can’t believe that I’m still alive at this age. Now here we are at the end of the season and I only have a few trivial observations. Oh, and did I mention that I did get a lot older.

We have 1600 members in the club. I used to know many of them. Now I can address about 14 by first name and last name. Another 15, I guess at their first name and usually get it right. Another 25 or so I would recognize at a Loblaw’s but I wouldn’t say hello.maybe a nod.  

That’s it. I describe Royal as a very small intimate club surrounded by a very large bunch of “ I have no idea who they are”.

Where did everyone come from? And they all seem so engaged and friendly. …buzzing around with big smiles on their face. Don’t they realize that playing golf doesn’t make you smile? They must be new.

I used to describe our Tournament participation and how well we were doing. At most of the club tournaments I not only didn’t recognize the winners I couldn’t pronounce many of the names.

 At any rate I think that in a couple of more years like this I will only know the three people I now regularly play golf with and it will be a good time to retire from the club completely.

At the beginning of the season, many of us bought four dozen Pro V golf balls with our names on them. If you are like me those 48 beauties are long gone. Some in the water to be sure but many in the woods. Also in my case, since no one watches my swing when I drive and either is flinching or have their eyes shut, my drive could be anywhere. I can’t see where it went because I’m busy trying to regain my balance. It could be in the fairway for all I know. So other golfers have picked up those balls over the past months.

Now here is the skill-testing question. How many of you have had someone put a ball with your name on it in your locker, having found it somewhere out on the course?

It has your name on it. Are they playing with it? Is this the conversation that is happening all over the courses?  “ Is that my ball or yours….It says Irving Azoff on both sides….ok , thanks that’s what I’m playing today.”

The answer is Zero. In other words of the 3,000 or so monogramed balls that went out in June, not one has been returned to the person named in big bold letters on the ball.  

Just FYI I once had a ball that I lost in Barbados dropped in my mailbox in Beaconsfield by someone who had found it and realized that returning it was the right thing to do.

I used to write you about the annual visit of my Grandchildren who came for a couple of weeks during prime time. I have successfully got that down to a 5 day visit (including arrival and departure days) and now I barely know they have been here.  So, Perfect!...nothing to report on that front.

Another favorite subject was couples golf. Well now I am down to 9 holes on Sunday with Sally. I try and arrange to play the Red course because hole number 7 finishes right beside the bag shop and usually I can convince her to call it a day. I finally gave up trying to play with another couple on Sundays when more than once I was told by the Spouse that they were embarrassed for me when we played together. Who needs it?

Our Club has a lot of activity. On most days you can barely find a parking spot due to some Corporate day or Charity event. Now, some members complain about this. Not me. This is a great excuse not to play without feeling guilty that you aren’t out there on a beautiful day.  Lets do more of this. And rain…we need more rain. I didn’t have one game cancelled because of rain during the entire summer.

I hit some good shots this year. I remember them all.  I did have one bad experience when I hit my 4 wood with such force that the shaft shattered and the head attached to a spear-like shaft with ragged edges flew over my head and almost killed my partner who was 20 feet behind me and off to the side. If he had been hit and bled out because an artery was severed this would have made a great bar story but no. a miss is as good as a mile so nothing  interesting to say about my only abnormal day. I did tell people that we couldn’t find the ball so I took a 5 which I needed to complete a good round and everyone was OK with that.

And finally, today I watched a member who is in his mid 80’s practicing his putting. He missed every second try from four feet. He confirmed to me that he has been practicing this technique for 60 years! What kind of madness is this? I’m smarter than that and I am going to let the game beat me, cry uncle and enjoy the remaining years. So no more golf stories.

That’s it and that’s all!

Bill Meder