Dear Jim: I need your help.
Well, Jimbo a big birthday today. Getting closer to being able to shoot my age in golf!
I wanted to ask you if you ever get to see the golf god’s department up there.
I have a question for them.
When they suddenly take away 20 yards of distance from each of your clubs without notice is there a ceremony?
Do they issue a certificate or are they just fooling around and springing it on unsuspecting goof balls who can’t understand what happened? Must be a sport for them!
Let me know what you can find out and tell them I am going to raise hell when I get there.
The very first game of golf I played in 1980 I shot 111. Now, 2000 games and thousands of dollars of lessons, golf schools and practice sessions, 44 years later, I shoot 111.
Who dreams up a sport like this?
This is a waste of a lifetime. No?
Oh yes, forgive me, I forgot.
It is so nice to be outside and enjoy the weather and the friends, blah, blah, blah.
Couldn’t someone have issued safety warnings in my 30’s about this?
At any rate, my short game now begins with the 3 wood. My pitches could be considered for a comedy routine and my sand game…oh boy, my sand game! I did get out once in the past 11 games. I sculled it beautifully and it went 30 yards past the green, but I was out. Other than that, after lessons from pros and frustrated playing mates I can move the ball 2 feet or so. Much better than not moving it at all but murder in a large trap.
I am now keeping score in my head. I only must multiply the number of holes by 7. Easy because I’m only taking 7’s before I pick up on the par 4’s, 8 on the par 5’s and 6 on the par 3’s.
I am losing 6-12 balls per round on the Blue course because I am stubborn and extremely stupid. I can get over the water from here...yes I can, yes I can, oops, crap, I have to get another ball.
I have a spot on 14 Blue where I hit my drive into the water every time, I tee it up. This has only been going on for 3 years and like Lucy pulling the ball away from Charlie Brown I keep going for it.
A 6-foot circle marks the spot and even if I aim to the right trees, it goes straight as an arrow to the left water beside the red stake…no I’m not exaggerating. When I hit, my partners don’t even look. They just shout “water!!” and carry on ignoring me.
My next stop is Costco to buy Kirkland golf balls at $2 each and keep my Pro V1’s in my closet at home. That way they may last me the season.
So, if you have any clout with the management where you are, please tell them that I am ready.
Take me now...please.
Bill Meder
Billmeder.blogspot.com
