Dear Jim:
Well Sally has just had a birthday and now that we are both in our 70’s we have decided that there will be no more celebrations or acknowledgements of the passing of time going forward.
Gifts of course are a complete waste of time and money as by now everyone has everything they could ever have wanted and cards and wrapping etc. are useless activities.
So, I have decided....kill the gifts.
Flowers are the worst because you never know what to order and some arrangement arrives at a time when no one is home, and they are dead in two days. Who thought of that idea? Doomed as a business model, I’m sure.
Please remove our names from your reminder file to send a card, a call or a Facebook posting congratulating us on a birthday and don’t ever ask us again how old we are.
It turns out that many people, including me, don’t really like old people.
Did you ever notice that when someone tells you their age your first response is “well, you sure don’t look it!”
Well actually they look 5-10 years older than they just told you, but I learned the hard way that that isn’t what they wanted to hear.
If the person talking to you is younger, they are thinking. “Oh Boy is that what I have to look forward to?”
They then say “let’s get together sometime” which is code for we will never see you again.
So, it is agreed then. No more references to age or birthdays. Violations of this edict will result in permanent removal from “the list”.
Medical reports which form the majority of conversations between our people are of course strongly encouraged as without that subject, other than the latest Netflix special, there is nothing much to talk about.
The exception of course is grandchildren which is boring to most men, but the ladies seem to love every picture, Instagram, Facebook and story about the little buggers. If you aren’t careful you might fall asleep at dinner or this could cause an early death due to boredom.
Getting prepared for the final push requires new thinking and although I am meeting some resistance, I think I have it all figured out.
Talk soon.
Bill Meder
Bill
(514) 992-2916
