Dear Jim:
As you know poor little Sally has been having a lot of issues lately and her quality-of-life sucks.
It started this summer with a detached retina and then one thing after another has appeared ruining most of the fall.
I have contemplated disguising her as a large dog and making an appointment at the Vet to see if they would put her down and out of her misery.
She has carpal tunnel problems with both hands and can’t use them for much. It has forced me to return the power drill I bought her for XMAS and try and find another handyman tool that is easier to operate.
She can’t make a fist with either hand which for defense purposes is a good thing, but it means she can’t open jars, hold a broom, etc. Also, difficult to operate the cork remover on the wine bottles.
I am teaching the cat to clean her own litter box.
This is also very painful, and she often wakes up in the middle of the night with so much pain she cries. This whimpering wakes me up and I have had to start taking strong sleeping pills to get through the night.
Fortunately, we have arranged operations on Dec 23 and Jan 6 to fix this problem. Hopefully we won’t get much snow and she heals quickly so that the sidewalks will be cleared for the gazette and mail delivery by late January...
Her main problem just diagnosed yesterday is Polymyalgia Rheumatica requiring massive doses of Prednisone to lower the pain and inflammation throughout her whole body.
This is good news as we couldn’t get to the bottom of what was causing all the stiffness and constant pain. I have looked up the side effects and I think I’m in trouble
Increased aggressiveness is common. I am cleaning out the furnace room and putting in some supplies.
Weight gain and changes in the way fat is spread around the body is quite likely. She will love that. I am going to be extra careful to not use the term “Porker”
Inappropriate happiness occurs so I will have to have balloons and streamers ready to celebrate on a moments notice.
Changes in personality…oh boy this could be tough.
I am currently reviewing all the bad things I have done over the past 50 years to get my stories straight as I can see the relentless interrogations that will be the highlight of the day.
I am going to ignore for now the vision problems, eye pain, sore throat, fever, chills, cough, seizures, depression, loss of contact with reality, confusion, muscle twitching, shaking etc. (these are the less serious side effects).
Finally, I very helpfully pointed out that Wine should be avoided. She told me to do things that are physically impossible and to stop reading all that BS.
We have cancelled our trip to Barbados in January. It turns out that if you should test positive in Barbados, they put you in a motel room with an ankle bracelet and a guard for 14 days. I don’t know who would emerge alive after 14 days, but I think my chances would be 50/50. Too much stress. Will wait until the world settles down.
I’m glad we have gotten to the bottom of all this, and I am getting ready for several months of hand-to-hand combat. If I don’t answer the phone for a couple of days, call the police. I may be down but could still be saved.
Will keep you posted.
Bill Meder
