Dear Jim: We was Robbed!
So after making a dinner reservation for 6.45 pm at a well known Biker/Mafia hangout we left our house at 6.25 leaving a car in the driveway and all the lights in the house on. First time we have left our house during the week at dinnertime in a year.
According to our neighbor’s cameras, at 6.31 four goofballs pulled up to our driveway and jockeyed back and forth looking for our house which is down a long driveway. They smashed a door and welcomed themselves in to our house.
After a lovely evening, at 8.50 pm I asked for the bill at the restaurant. Turns out, the thieves left at 8.51pm!!
Now although that seems like a long time to spend in the house they were very neat and didn’t break anything. Every room, every drawer etc was cleaned out. I didn’t see any evidence that they had dinner but clearly they had the time. They did open a case of wine in my cellar but possibly didn’t think the vintage was up to par as they didn’t take any of it.
Now you are asking yourself, as did the Police and the Insurance company, what about the alarm?
Yes, I was proud to say, “ I do have an alarm system”. It was installed in 1970. With a little further probing it was confirmed that I had last armed it on October 3, 1987.
I was unable to find it to show them how great it was but did point out that there are motion detectors on a couple of walls . (I have discovered since that they are collector items). I called the alarm company and they asked me for my code. “You need a code?”
At any rate I haven’t had a break-in for 30 years and we seldom left the house for more than a few hours at a time. Why would I be arming an alarm? Doesn’t make sense to me.
Neither the Police, the Insurance Company or any of my smart-assed friends were impressed with my Alarm protocol and the gloating was irritating. “Oh, I arm my alarm when I take out the garbage or go to the end of the driveway to get the paper”….yeah, right.
The police, led by inspector Clouseau arrived promptly at 9.15 with 6 patrol cars and 9 or so officers. Four of them stayed until 6am the next morning and they finger printed every surface in the house. You may not know this but the dust they use is black and they are not as neat as the thieves. The contrast with our white house was quite striking and I’m sorry I didn’t take pictures.
I did comment to a few of the officers that when I was 7 years old I watched a robbery movie and they couldn’t find the finger prints because the crooks wore GLOVES!. ( My window repair guy speculated that the Police had nothing else to do and liked being at my house so just processed the crime scene until their shift was over at 6am.)
As we stood in the family room where they had broken a glass sliding door to come in, Inspector Clouseau says, “This is where they left from”. My Brother-in-Law who was staying with us and is probably not on anybody’s top 100 list for detective-trainee candidate, says, “ If that is how they left, why is all the glass in the family room?” After a long delay Inspector Clouseau turns and says, “ You make a good point”.
So now we take inventory of what is missing.
I’m saying I never liked all that Silver anyway as it gave off a glare when we took family pictures. Apparently we had some nice stuff that I hadn’t noticed. The good news is we can’t host the family Easter dinner because we no longer have any silver place settings or gravy bowls. If we don’t replace all this stuff, no more family events. How lucky can you get?
I told Sally, that less Jewelry was keeping with the times and now she didn’t have to make any decisions. She can wear what she wore that night (the eve of our 50th wedding anniversary) or nothing. Sure simplifies things. She didn’t seem impressed when I told her that someone with more than one watch never knows the real time.
The Bastards stole my two Centennial Golf trophies and a sliver tray I won for Sailing.
I told Inspector Clouseau to be on the look out for someone swarthy looking, with a southern European accent, showing off his golfing accomplishments at some drug bust or bragging about lifting a hull in a Catamaran. (Wait till they find out what golfing skills you need to win this thing!) I immediately called the Golf Club and they told me I could replace the Centennial winning cups for $203 each! My first purchase when I get the insurance money.
So the adventure is over. The team that provides security for the White House is now outfitting my house. We won’t be able to have anyone over because they won’t be able to get within 50 feet of the house. I know the horse has left the barn but hey..want to talk about home security? I’m now the world’s foremost authority on the subject.
My gun training begins next week and I chose a weapon with a personal grip sensor so that Sally can’t accidentally fire it. Safety (mine) first.
Inspector Clouseau confirmed to me this morning that we will never get our stuff back, the crooks won’t be back because they know we don’t have any more stuff, and when the police catch them they will get a few months in Prison to rest up and get back to work with their friends soon. The next time I go to that restaurant I’m only going to tip 15% to make a statement. They will get the message.
The 300 pictures and finger prints the Police took along with my beautifully crafted statement are on file and Inspector Clouseau confirmed that no one will look at any of it…ever.
I will keep you posted.
Bill Meder
